The Use of Modern Man Liberating Modern Woman

"What do we want from modern man?" is the headline on the cover of the Style section of The Sunday Times' latest issue.

The man in the cover photo, almost naked, looks androgynous, as if he hadn't quite made up his mind whether to be male or female (a common occurrence these days).

I'll answer that question by taking a cue from The Sunday Times itself, which for years - at least until I stopped reading it in disgust, no, I mean, because it was too riveting and captivating to bear - has been telling us that man is finished, there is really no role or need for him now that we have artificial insemination and in vitro fertilisation (IVF), and women work or are on benefits.

It is not just this particular paper, of course, to repeat such a mantra, it is in the air, it's the ethos of our time.

The answer I suggest is the following.

Modern men should all become homosexual or at least bisexual, as our friend Peter Tatchell wrote:

Everyone is potentially bisexual...

Q: What's the difference between heterosexual and homosexual sex? A: A few inches of flesh...

If homosexual desire is this widespread in a homophobic society, imagine how much more common it would be in a gay-positive culture. With the cultural taboos removed, nearly everyone would savour its delights [give or take a few tuberculosis/AIDS co-infections].

With all (modern) men being at least bisexual, which is the great dream of Tatchell and many of his homosexual activist comrades, we can arrive at this solution.

Men will only indulge in the homosexual element of their bisexuality. The semen from these anal or other intercourses, after being tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases and found negative, will then be used for artificial insemination or IVF.

So the human species will continue, but women will be free from the oppression of men, as feminists want, and will have full control over their lives - with the help of the Social Security offices - and reproductive potential, without even the need for Planned Parenthood or similar organizations.

Men will serve as semen donors, and at the same time will enjoy freedom from commitment and, as Tatchell, who can be trusted as an expert on the matter, tastefully put it, "savour its [homosexual desire's] delights ".

Sorted.